Keep your focus on the kids and not your ex after divorce

When you divorce a spouse with whom you share children, there are often two temptations that all divorced people should resist fervently. The first is to never again have anything to do with that person. This is completely unrealistic. After all, when you share children with someone, the reality is that person is going to be involved in your children’s lives — and thus peripherally in yours — for the foreseeable future. It makes sense to find a way to deal with them civilly when you must interact.

The second temptation is to try to exert some control over the life of the ex-spouse. That’s just as unrealistic. Once you divorce someone, you have no say in who they date, marry or hang out with after work. It doesn’t matter if they blow their own money on a new sports car. It’s time to move on.

Below are two other post-divorce realities that you will also need to learn to accept:

It doesn’t matter if something is fair to you as long as it is good for the kids. You may be perfectly happy to let the children continue in their current school. However, if your spouse is awarded custody and convinces the judge that the children will receive a better education attending a school 30 miles away that is far less convenient for you to do pickups and drop-offs, the fact that you don’t find it fair will not sway the court. Family law courts are bound by the rubric of whatever is best for the children when they determine these decisions.

The kids will adapt — and so should you. Children have a wonderful resiliency that allows them to bounce back from adversity far faster than their adult counterparts. Here, it’s a good idea to watch and learn how they manage to shrug off the old and come to accept their new normal. Going forth, you will be much happier when not constantly swimming against the tide.

Talk to your family law attorney to learn how you can achieve the custody plans that you want when filing for divorce.